DALPE���S RESILIENCE IS LUMINOUS
Mar 14, 2016Iowa Forward Exudes Perseverance in Difficult Times
So much has happened to Iowa Wild forward Zac Dalpe over the last 12 months that no one could blame him for being angry.
Just over a year ago in February, the 26-year-old Dalpe, his father, Paul, and his two brothers, Phil and Ben, learned physicians had diagnosed their mother, Lisa, with kidney cancer. Despite months of grueling chemotherapy and surgeries, Dalpe’s mother died just days after she had ordered him to leave for the Minnesota Wild’s training camp with whom he had recently signed a one-year, two-way contract.
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“I will never forget I had to say goodbye to her.” Dalpe said in a recent interview. “Because I knew that the next time I was coming (home) she would be gone. I had to say goodbye to her on a Sunday. That was probably the worst day of my life, worse than her funeral.”
But Lisa Dalpe, who married her high school sweetheart and operated a stationary store for over 20 years, left her son with something more than just that hollowed out feeling one gets when a loved one dies. She left him with the courage and strength to persevere through a year of injury that at the same time gave him a chance to cope with the loss of his mother, provided lessons about what it means to be in an extended family and left him optimistic that he can overcome the worst of obstacles.
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Paul Dalpe knew he and his wife would have to tell their boys the bad news. The cancer diagnosis had stunned them and for a week they discussed how they would inform the oldest, Phil, Zac and the youngest, Ben.
“When we talked about it, she said, ‘What do I say to the kids that I don’t say every single day,” Paul Dalpe said. “She was always saying things about following your dreams and believing in that type of stuff.”
Ben Dalpe said he understood why his parents waited to give them the bad news.
“My dad wanted everyone to find out at the same time. He didn’t want one kid finding out and the other not. I remember the day, (March 4th) - That was the exact day Zac and I found out.” Ben Dalpe said.
Zac Dalpe got the bad news while playing for the Buffalo Sabres. As his mother fought her illness with seemingly endless rounds of chemotherapy and surgeries, Dalpe finished his season with the Sabres playing in 21 games, but learned a lot from his mother about perseverance.
“You’re basically ripped open. And in a sense you are ripped open emotionally and physically,” the Paris, Ont. native said. “You saw a whole new side of your mom. You saw some vulnerability. You saw some more fight.”
As hard as it was for Dalpe to watch his mother lose her battle, he also understood the lesson his mother would give him about living. “Unfortunately, you see it but at the same time I am happy I saw it because it molded me and made me grow up more. I think I went from 25-to-50 in a short time,” he said.
Almost coincidentally, the family was hit with another blow. Lisa Dalpe’s 75-year-old father, Geordie, underwent major surgery for jaw cancer requiring the removal of his front jaw and chin.
“He spent six months in the hospital.” Paul Dalpe said. “It was basically me and the boys taking care of both of them over the summer.”
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Lisa Dalpe’s condition worsened over the summer, but the Dalpe family’s life was continuing. In August, older brother Phil would marry in a private ceremony attended by all of his family including Lisa. Youngest brother, Ben, was about to leave for school at Clarkson University where he plays forward for the Golden Knight’s hockey team. In September, middle son, Zac, was about to leave for the Minnesota Wild training camp.
As the time approached, Paul and Lisa Dalpe discussed how to handle what each knew would happen sooner than later.
“When we knew where this was headed, Lisa and I sat the boys down,” Paul Dalpe said. “The boys wanted to stay until the end.”
But Lisa Dalpe wouldn’t hear of it, Paul Dalpe said. She reminded him how she told her sons that life must proceed no matter what.
“She pointed at all three and said, ‘(to Phil) you just got married, (to Ben) you’re going to school (Clarkson), and (to Zac) you’re going to NHL training camp. I don’t care where everything is (with me), but when it’s time to go, you go’,” Paul Dalpe said.
But talking about the future and saying goodbye are two different things. For Zac Dalpe, the most difficult moment came when he watched his little brother say goodbye to his mother.
“When your brother is 21 and you still look at him as a 12-year old kid - watching him do it was worse than what I had to do,” Zac Dalpe said. “My dad came in and said if you want to be a man you got to go say goodbye to your mom. That was probably the worst day of my life, worse than her funeral.”
After Ben left for school and Zac for training camp, Lisa Dalpe, 51, died two days later.
As he looks back at it, Paul Dalpe said that enduring the loss of his wife has been difficult on the family, but that its unity has made it bearable.
“There was a real comfort level with our family unity, how much we’ve cared for one another and the things we have done for one another,” said Paul. “There is something about knowing when you have to do something hard, you just do it. You accept it and that is what we did.”
For Zac Dalpe, the lessons taught him by his mother were just beginning.
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After the funeral services in Paris, Zac Dalpe flew back to St. Paul for training camp with the Wild, where he was welcomed openly in the locker room by his hockey family. Both Zach Parise and Ryan Suter had lost their fathers recently and they approached Dalpe about it, according to Paul Dalpe.
“They went out of their way to make sure he knew he had support”, Paul Dalpe said. “For him, hockey is an extended family and that is the best part about hockey. The relationships that you develop seem to last forever.”
He added that the support has impressed Zac a lot.
“The folks in Minnesota and Iowa have been a cut above the rest. Because of that, we are hopeful he will be there for a while,” Paul Dalpe said.
In a Sept. 24 preseason game against the Columbus, Dalpe was noticeable, forechecking and disrupting their possessions. The centerman went six for 11 on faceoffs and added two hits. His biggest was on his third shift when Iowa teammate and defenseman, Gustav Olofsson was hit from behind by Rene Bourque, along the boards close to Dalpe.
Dalpe didn’t hesitate to drop the mitts to protect his teammate.
On October 2nd, Minnesota assigned Dalpe to Iowa in anticipation of the season opener at Wells Fargo Arena on October 10th. His first game ended quickly, when midway through the game, Dalpe injured his hip. Initially thought to be less serious, physicians later determined weeks later hip labrum surgery was necessary and he would miss five to six months.
After the November 5 surgery, Dalpe entered a period of recovery that would require extensive physical therapy as well as an extensive period time to heal. To Dalpe, the break, as difficult as it was, had an added beneficial effect.
“As fate would have it, I think I was supposed to get hurt. I went home to her funeral and left the day after her funeral to start training camp. I had no time to mend as a person,” Dalpe said.
Dalpe said the injury and time off angered him because “it’s my job.” At the same time, Dalpe said he was still coping with the loss of his mother.
“I needed time to speak with her and speak with my dad and my brothers. Maybe the duration of me being injured wasn’t the best. But, I honestly, truly believe that I was supposed to almost step away from the game,” he said. “I don’t care if anyone is upset with that because I needed to get over the situation.”
Dalpe used his mother’s fight as inspiration for his own as he confronted months of rehabilitation. She had spent months of being sick as she went through her chemotherapy and never gave up, he said.
“It’s just crazy how strong your mom is and it was something else to experience,” he said. “At the end, she lost the battle, but she put a lot more fight into all of us by doing it.”
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Tucked away in Des Moines for rehabilitation, Dalpe leaned on his hockey family to help get through it, particularly defenseman Tyson Strachan, who played with him in Buffalo last season, and center Brett Sutter, who played with Dalpe for three seasons in Charlotte.
Dalpe said each of them knew when to reach out to him.
“It’s like I’m sitting at home and I’m lonely. All of a sudden I get a text from Strachs or Suttsy saying come over. It’s crazy and I don’t know who’s doing that but maybe it’s the hockey gods and my mom being one of them,” he said.
With no family close by, he said that the team became his support system during a lonely time.
“I have no family here but I have those guys and we have such a strong group here that it’s really been a good distraction. They also know they are more than a distraction. They are also my friends and it helps to have them here,” he said.
Brett Sutter said that Dalpe understood that Sutter and the rest of the Iowa locker room was there for him.
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“He talks about stuff when he wants to, but I think for the most part he handles a lot of it himself,” said Sutter before his recent trade to the Ontario Reign. “He’s got enough close friends on the team and around him that he knows we are always a phone call away or a knock away.”
Dalpe pushed hard to get back for his team - not surprising for the forward, who grew up ripping shots for hours outside of his country home where a net was set up. Zac, as an eight-year old, took shots for hours, until his hands had blisters that were broken open and bleeding. Paul Dalpe said Zac treated the blisters like trophies.
On Feb. 18th, Dalpe returned to the Iowa Wild lineup for a road game in Chicago. Early in the first period, Wolves forward Eriah Hayes hit Iowa defenseman Dylan Labbe from behind.
Dalpe, similar to his NHL preseason game, dropped the gloves and defended his teammate. A few nights later, in just his third game back, Dalpe scored his first goal as a member of the Wild.
He beat Manitoba Moose goalie Connor Hellebuyck with a wrist shot in the second period, giving Iowa a 2-0 lead with his first goal of the year.
Dalpe said that when the puck went into the net there was a feeling of peace and confidence that wasn’t really there before. He believes his mother is among the hockey gods and with him on the ice.
“I think my mom is one of them now”, he says with a smile. “I went for a shootout in Milwaukee and as soon as I touched the puck I thought about my mom, and I didn’t score, which happens. But the fact that I thought about her while I had the puck on my stick was like no other feeling.”
Of that feeling, Dalpe said he wants to feel it again and again.
“I’m addicted to that feeling now. You score goals but know you’re addicted to the whole other feeling that comes with it,” he said.
Two days later, however, the season’s bad luck struck again. Manitoba Moose forward JC Lipon checked Dalpe late in the first period. He suffered a knee injury on the hit, resulting in another trip to the trainer’s room and more time away from the ice.
Dalpe intends to return to the Wild line-up before the end of season and has every intention of having a full season next year with the Wild. If all goes well, the Wild and Dalpe hope to find a way for the future free agent to return to the Minnesota Wild organization for years to come.
Time will tell whether that will happen, but Dalpe also knows one thing for sure.
His mother is watching and telling him to keep moving on.
Special thanks to Zac Dalpe, Paul Dalpe, Ben Dalpe, Tom Witosky and Charlie Cloud.